Balance.

I seriously have issues.

I spent almost all of today staring at Statistics notes, writing notes and doing problems and the part of my day that I was most looking forward to, the part when I get to go home and relax, is the worst part of my day.

All I wanted to do since I got home was go out and do something, I wanted to go to the mall, I wanted to go watch a movie, go OUT.

This week has been particularly crappy since all I did was go to school and go to work. I didn't see any friends outside the situation of studying and I worked way more than I would have liked. I guess it doesn't help that my boyfriend has been indisposed because of a recent death in his group of friends. Which, btw, I tried to be supportive of, but as you can read from my previous post, I just ended up crying like a little girl. Anyways, he's been busy visiting friends, spending time with them and coping with the whole thing and then there was the funeral tonight and it continues until tomorrow afternoon.

I don't know, I guess I'm "chicking out". I've had such a horrible week, like I've barely seen any sunlight and I haven't had any chance to see my boyfriend, I'm starting to feel like a hermit. I got home today from studying and I did plan on going shopping or something but the weather was so disgusting and cold that I just wanted to go home. I don't really need to buy things, anyways. I just needed a time-filler because I knew that I was going to be alone tonight. It's days like today where I really wish I had a car again. I could have done something else, something productive or something. I'm so limited and caged by my house, especially when it's raining. Who wants to take the bus or walk around in the cold when it's raining?! Anyways, when summer comes around things will probably be easier.

I don't know how some people can just stay home by themselves all the time. I need the presence of others to make me feel normal. Otherwise, I fall into the dark hole, where I'm depressed and lonely and no one likes me. This rarely happens, I try to keep myself entertained with movies and music and the internet in general, but tonight nothing has really kept me comforted.

I think I just need a hug.