The Picture I Promised

OMG I Wish I Had Taken a Picture!!

Ok, So I live near this strip club...I know that already sounds pretty sketch, but I live borderline ghetto sooo that's my explanation.

Today, my family and I went out to the mall to pick up some stuff for my brother's English project and on the way back home we drove passed the strip club and I REALLY REALLY wish I had a camera or that we could've stopped the car to take a picture because Oh.My.Freaking.God. this was hilarious. There is a sign outside the club and today the sign said this:


Cabaret Le Bazzaz
12 Danseuses
10 Belles
1 Grosse
1 Laide


For those of you that can't speak french I'll translate...

Cabaret Le Bazzaz
12 Dancers
10 Beautiful
1 Fat
1 Ugly

I will go back and take a picture and hopefully it will still be the same! hahahaha.

How bad is that? I mean you openly advertise that you have 1 fat dancer and 1 ugly dancer like that is supposed to bring in more people! I dunno I totally cracked up when I saw that and seriously felt the need to share that :)

Quote of the Day

What is called happiness in its narrowest sense comes from the satisfaction - most often instantaneous - of pent up needs which have reached great intensity, and by its very nature can only be a transitory experience.

-Sigmund Freud

I love this song.

"You're the sun and the moon and all the stars
you're my first thought in the morning and you are
the wind as it blows over my head..."
-Jessica Lea Mayfield

The One That I Loved Best

Tweetcloud?

I thought this was pretty cute and everyone seems to be making them sooo why not!?
I love how WORK is like the biggest word on there.

make one at Tweetstats or at Wordle

I'll be back with a real post soon, I promise!

Word Vomit: Blaaaaah.

I'm in a bit of a weird mood today. I kind of just want to go to bed and just sleep my issues away but on the other hand I really feel the need to write down what it is I'm feeling. I'm really upset because I missed not one but two phone calls from Ryan today while I was at work. It's not like I could do anything about it, but I'm sad because I really do want to talk to him and it's not like I can call him back or anything. He left a voicemail the first time, saying he was at the Chicago airport and he hoped that I was having a good day. He said he would try to call me again when he got to Florida and he did but again I missed the call. I was already having a hectic day at work (people just wouldn't stop being annoying and stupid, mostly) and going to lunch and realizing, "Oh shit, Ryan tried to call me." didn't make it any better. I really miss those days where I could just take it easy at work and just check my emails and twitter every once in a while. lmost hurts, like a hole or something. That sounds really stupid but that's how I feel.

Maybe this is all some kind of weird consequence because I haven't been going to the gym as often as I was before. I've been taking it pretty easy and I've been slacking the past week or so. I went on Monday but before that I hadn't gone in a week. I should've gone tonight but I'm so tired from being out all day yesterday, I almost passed out on the bus on the way home from work. I'm trying really hard to resist falling asleep on my bed right now because I need to finish doing my laundry later. But yeah, not going to the gym and not having that constant flow of endorphins (that natural thing that makes you happy) that you supposedly get from exercising is probably catching up with me. I'm allowed to feel slightly sad right? Even though sometimes, I feel like maybe I don't have anything to complain about. I'm not in school, I don't worry about homework or finals, I have a somewhat good job, amazing friends. It's weird because, yesterday I spent the whole day surrounded by friends and today I can't help but feel incredibly lonely.

Blah. I told you this was going to be a weird post. I'm in such a strange mood, like I said, I feel sad but I don't feel like I should have anything to be sad about. My life is pretty simple and easygoing, other people probably have it worse, what the hell do I have to bitch about? I'm trying to tell myself that I shouldn't be sad but I just can't help it. I'm in one of those moods where you just want to put on sweat pants and that old ratty t-shirt, cuddle with my pillows, put on Say Anything and wish that my Lloyd Dobler was out there waiting for me. In fact, I think that's what I'll do. Maybe that'll make me feel better *crosses fingers*.

I'm pretty awesome sometimes.

This week was pretty jam-packed with amazing adventures, mostly involving my friend Julia (aka my twin). We went downtown twice this week! On Wednesday we went for shopping purposes but also to go to the Titanic Exhibit that's ongoing here until the end of the month and it was pretty fucking amazing.

When you go in, they give you a boarding pass and its supposed to actually represent a real person that was on the Titanic before it sank.The whole point was that you would read about that particular person and at the end of the exhibit you would find out whether or not your person survived or not. I was Mrs. Isador Strauss.
I was 63 years old and I was traveling back to New York with my husband, maid and manservant. My husband and I were the owners of Macy's in New York, so obviously we were traveling first class because we were filthy rich.
Here are some random facts about the Titanic. A first class ticket to board the Titanic back in the day cost something like 700$ but if you think of how much that was worth today, it would have cost around like 45,000. Crazy, right?? Also, a lot of the people that were on the Titanic weren't even supposed to be on that ship but because of the coal strike going on in Europe at the time, many miners were heading over to America in search of better jobs and better lives. It's sad really. About 700 people survived the Titanic and over 1500 people died. :(

Including my person. Her story was actually really heartbreaking and there were things written about her and her husband all over the exhibit. She was actually supposed to have boarded a lifeboat but, "she refused, saying, "We have lived together for many years. Where you go, I go."" (quoted from Wikipedia). I felt very connected to her, even though I've never heard of her before then but I think if I was in her situation, I probably would've chosen to stay as well.

What was really scary though was looking at the huge wall that had the list of everyone that survived and who was left as Missing all separated by which class they were in as well as crew. It was sad to see the very long lists of "missing" from third class and the crew.

Anyways, it was really cool. It kind of made me want to go and visit more exhibits and museums. And at the beginning of it all they take two pictures of you in front of a green screen and at the end of the exhibit there is a station you can go to view your pictures. Sooo...

Not my most flattering photo, but it was all in the fun of it. We were like, what should we do? Let's be scared, ok, HOLD ME!! haha. It looks more like we're about to get hit by the ship hahaha. I love it. I'm gonna frame it because it's so amazing.

I just wanted to write about that, we went downtown again yesterday and again went shopping and I bought the complete series of Freaks and Geeks and Russell Brand's book, My Booky Wook (and a bunch of magazines lol). We also went to go see The Last House On The Left and it was very good, like really really good. I actually liked it a lot better than the original because it was a lot more serious and didn't have any awkward strange comedic relief that was at times completely unnecessary. I was impressed and I did at some points shriek in the movie theatre. I think I've finally come to terms with how girly and squirmish I really am. :)

Btw I just chatted very briefly with Ryan on google talk! I'm gonna go and stare at my computer some more until he comes back online. haha. <3

I should be sleeping...

If you read this, go here. RAWR.

Pretty Amazing.

"Even if it takes me 6 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes & 59 seconds to get to where you are, I’ll still travel the same distance every week just to spend that very last second in your arms. Time elapses when I’m not with you. Nothing is the same when you’re gone. "

I don't know who quoted this but I read this and my heart melted a little. I know that I really could feel that way about someone someday.

I'm in such a "I love everything about love" mood right now. Sorry! You'll have to just bear with me for now. <3

I Want to Lie In Bed All Day.

“Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.”

Quote of the Day

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember."
-Oscar Levant

Word Vomit: A bit of sad history.

So on a more depressing and more of an angry note, I ran into someone this weekend while I was at the mall. I was heading to work on Saturday morning and because I always take the bus early to avoid the possibility of being late, I just kind of wandered around the mall. I had breakfast and browsed before actually going to work (which is a two minute walk from the mall, it's not attached to it). Now, before I even go any further, let me explain to you something about the person that I "bumped" into.

I've never been close to my father. There are too many times that I could tell you all about where he truly just let me down, over and over again. One of my favourite ones that remind just how much of a dick he was when he couldn't come to my high school graduation or even better, couldn't come to my Prom, so I had to do the "Father-Daughter Dance" with my mom. How embarrassing. I cried at my prom. You aren't supposed to cry at your prom.
So, when my parents divorced, I made sure that I never forgot how much I hated him, no matter what he said. I know this might be somewhat hard for some of you to understand how I could hate a parent, but just understand how far from a real parent he was to me and my brother and sister. It took me a whole year to really get over my parent's divorce because it just continued to go on longer than it really needed to. He kept wanted to pull away from more and more responsibilities, which is probably what hurt the most, realizing that what he wanted was to remove any ties he had with children, as if he never had any.

My parents divorced in 2006/2007 and the last time I saw him was in the summer of 2007 (again at the mall, because I was at the time working IN the mall). I'm about to go into some pretty heavy details of what happened when I saw him this weekend and how exactly it made me feel, so brace yourselves. I need some kind of release from this whole thing, even though it lasted two minutes, it hit me harder than a bus coming at full speed.

I was putting on my coat, getting ready to walk out the exit. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and I was grabbing my tea.
"Kristal?" He never called me by my whole name. I recognized his voice instantly and when I turned to face him the words just escaped my mouth.
"Shit..." I knew I said it outloud and I knew he heard me. He looked exactly the same as I remembered but maybe a little more tired looking. I saw the sadness in his eyes as he looked at me, I didn't know what to say, I managed to ask, "How are you?" but he didn't answer me, all he said was,
"Well, tell everyone that I said Hi". All I could do was nod. I smiled slightly and turned to face the exit again. I quickened my pace because the doors couldn't have felt any farther away in those thirty seconds. I didn't want to turn around to look back, I didn't want to see him standing there still watching as his twenty year old daughter walked away from him like just some old acquaintance that he hasn't seen in a while. As soon as the cold air hit my face I felt like I was going to collapse, like I just got punched in the gut. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry and I wanted to get as far away from there as possible. Seeing him just reminded me of how much damage he inflicted on my family intentionally and unintentionally. It was like being hit over the head with a bagful of painful emotions and memories that lingered a little too long. You'd think that two minutes wouldn't effect you so much but I knew after that, my entire day would be askew. All I could think of doing was text the one person who would understand how I felt but of course it was too early in the morning to get a response. All I could do was go to work. Go to work, get through the day and forget it happened.

I know I may seem kind of over the top with this whole thing, I feel kind of silly writing about it this way, but this is honestly how I feel about it now that I look back at it. After two years of not seeing him, not being affected by him in any way, it was like BAM. I'm still alive. Of course I knew he was still alive, but I didn't want to actually see him. This was like ten times worse than running into an ex-boyfriend when things ended on bad terms. I know I probably shouldn't hold so much hatred against my father but really, you have no idea how much this person messed up. So I can understand if you can't understand.

One thing that pisses me off the most, (yes here's another story) last spring, I went to a wedding reception. Everything was fine until the "Father-Daughter Dance". I completely lost it. I started crying, I tried to stop myself from crying but only ended up making more noise, only further making the people at our table and the tables around us look to see what was happening. It didn't help that I was there with the rest of my family and that they all pretty much understood the meaning of my outburst. My mom tried to comfort me, telling me not to worry and the look of pure sadness that my brother and sister gave me, it only made me want to cry harder. Seeing a wedding and realizing that I probably wouldn't have that moment (not that I even wanted it) made me very, very sad. My emotions sometimes break out at moments where I least expect it. I'm sure I'll have someone to dance with at my wedding for that moment, or maybe we'll skip that entirely, I don't know, I haven't really thought about it and I don't really have to think about it for a while, I'm not planning on getting married any time soon.

Little things like that have a big impact on me, just like that random encounter. I told my mom about it and she won't stop talking about it. She's all like, "Did you hear what happened to Kristalyn?", "Did you sister tell you what happened to her at the mall?", it's pretty annoying. What bothers me the most is that she tried to sit down with me and have a conversation about it. Like there was more to talk about it after I explained exactly what happened. She told me that it was going to keep happening and that maybe I should try to get in contact with him again. She's always trying to push me back into his arms, like he deserves a second chance with me. My mom likes to remind me of the fact that I can't escape him no matter what, even though I like to think otherwise. In my eyes, my family is better off now without him and from the way he behaved after the divorce and in the courtroom he doesn't deserve love or even remorse from any of us. Yet, my mom continues to try to make me call him, I don't understand why, of all people she should understand how much he's hurt us. "He's your father, you can't forget that." Well. Maybe I would like to do exactly that. Her boyfriend now has been more of a father to us in the past three years than my father has EVER been to us in my whole twenty years of my life and I'm not exaggerating.

I'm sorry for spilling this all like this. I've been in this weird writing mode and I've actually started to write something of a story, which has in fact taken a big chunk of my free time in the past two days, so this was kind of a regurgitation of what happened to me in the style of my "wannabe" writing. Not that this has any falsity to it, this is all the pure truth. If you wanted to understand me a little better, here is aspect of my life that I rarely share with people.

I'll never be a daddy's girl.
They are all I need.

Longest Blog in the Histroy of Long Blogs. (Aka Bob Loblaw's Law Blog)

It's been a while since my last entry and I thought I was going to try harder to keep myself in the habit of updating but sadly, among most of the things I try to keep up with, I failed again.
It's been almost two months since I last updated and I thought I was doing so well! Haha.

Okay, so here's what I've been up to:

My special friend, Julia (http://jybeliever.livejournal.com) went to go see two horror flicks. My Bloody Valentine and Friday The 13th, Yes, they were both really crappy but good times nonetheless. While I cringed and at times screamed (yes. I get scared and I scream.) she held my hand and laughed, at the movie and at me. In truth, I think we only wanted to see these movies because of the eyecandy. Jensen Ackles and Jared Padelecki. Yum Yum. And how weird is it that they both came out with horror flicks within a month of each other and they're both on the same TV show? Strange...
Anyways, in the previews for both those moviesthere was a trailer for a movie called , "The Last House On The Left" At first, we laughed because it seemed like such a stupid name for a movie, well it still seems like a stupid title...but that's beside the point. The second time we saw the trailer we decided that we HAD to see that movie together as well. It seems as though we created some kind of weird ritual to go see potentially cheesy, badly directed and badly acted horror movies, but we're gonna cross our fingers and hope that that one will be better than the last two.
THEN we realized that "The Last House On The Left" is actually a remake of a Wes Craven film done back in the 70's and not to mention it was banned almost everywhere because it was so brutal and gruesome and just horrifying. Obviously, I read this and became instantly intrigued and I needed to watch this. So there is is, I bought it on impulse (along with the original version of My Bloody Valentine), regretfully, because the next day I found both of those movies on SALE at another video store. It would of cost me a whole 12 dollars cheaper. And it was too late to return them because I already opened them, I get excited like that about movies. I rip open the plastic just so I can have the satisfaction to open the box and make sure the DVD is indeed inside the case.
Anyways, after showing Julia my latest acquirements, she obviously freaked out, in the way I wanted and expected her to, and we agreed we had to watch the movies together and we had to watch The Last House On The Left original before seeing the remake. I absolutely refuse to watch any of those movies alone. Just like how I refuse to watch The Strangers and Funny Games alone. In fact, I refuse to watch ANY scary movie alone. I guess I'm just a big baby that way. What can I say? I like to be cuddled or at least comforted by another person in case I do get freaked out. And yes, someone laughing at me for being scared is comforting because at least I know that there is someone that doesn't think it's as scary as I do and that kind of brings me back to the reality of things, which is usually funny. Usually, not always!

Now that I think of it, there are a lot of movies that I own, that I would consider to be horror flicks that I haven't watched yet. Because seriously, who WANTS to watch a scary movie alone??

I've also become completely obsessed with buying plaid shirts. In the past two months I've bought like...at least 10 plaid button-up shirts. Of all colours and styles. Short-sleeve, long sleeve, 3/4 sleeve. It's really stupid now that I think of it but I can't help myself! That and scarves. I'm too embarrased to actually count how many scarves I've bought. BUT I LOVE THEM. I tell myself that to make it easier. Seriously though, I try to match one scarf that I own with every one of my outfits. If you check my dailybooth (http://www.dailybooth.com/kristalyn512) and even my youtube videos you can see. I want to wear plaid all the time, whether it's a plaid shirt or a plaid scarf. What's the worst part of all this is that one time when I was at the gym, I was running on the treadmill and there was nothing really interesting on the tv's, but the end of Oprah was on so I decided to tune into that, and I guess it was an episode about how to better with your finances and get yourself out of debt and just stop spending so much and they were interviewing some lady that was very in debt because she kept buying stuff for herself and for her kids. And the woman that was there giving advice was like, "First of all, you have to stop buying things that you already have so much of. We tend to buy the same things over and over again even though we don't really need them." I automatically thought of myself and how I keep buying the same shit every time I get paid. It actually made me slightly depressed but it makes me happy! haha. And it's not like I'm a debt crisis, I just like to indulge in my life's little pleasures and right now it's plaid. See, I'm even wearing plaid right now in this moment. plaid plaid plaid. EVERYWHERE. I LOVE IT.

Um. Ok. right. Where was I? Oh yeah. Well, something else that took up a big part of my free time in the past three weeks was reading Twilight. Yes. I was pulled in, just like thousands, sorry, millions of girls and guys by this series of books. It all started in HMV (where I usually buy movies but never music) I was making my usual rounds of the store, checking which movies were on sale and just really wondering around and there is a new section of the store, where they sell books and a very small paperback version of Twilight was there with a big "25% OFF" sticker. For seven dollars, I figured, why not? I needed a new book anyways (after JUST finishing The Devil Wears Prada...shut up...don't judge me!) so I bought it. My life pretty much ended right there in that moment. Sure, I liked the movie (mainly because I was drooling over a certain character the whole time...more eyecandy :) YUM) but I was very much destroyed by the novels. I couldn't stop. I had to know what happened. I wanted to know and I spent every free moment I could continuing to read. So yeah. Basically, for a short period of time after finishing the novels, I wanted a vampire and I wanted one to love me just as much as Edward loved Bella. Actually, I wanted a vampire for more than just those reasons, but I probably shouldn't get into those details over my blog. Julia, you know what I mean *wink*wink*. I'm sick. I know. hahahaha.


So this is clearly the longest blog in the history of long blogs. I have another story that I want to talk about but that needs a completely seperate blog on its own because in reality it's kind of depressing and I don't want to take away from this entry's happy/silly feeling.

Anyways! I've missed you blog and people that read my blog. Once again, I've been inspired by someone to start blogging again. ENJOY. :D