Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Word Vomit: Blaaaaah.

I'm in a bit of a weird mood today. I kind of just want to go to bed and just sleep my issues away but on the other hand I really feel the need to write down what it is I'm feeling. I'm really upset because I missed not one but two phone calls from Ryan today while I was at work. It's not like I could do anything about it, but I'm sad because I really do want to talk to him and it's not like I can call him back or anything. He left a voicemail the first time, saying he was at the Chicago airport and he hoped that I was having a good day. He said he would try to call me again when he got to Florida and he did but again I missed the call. I was already having a hectic day at work (people just wouldn't stop being annoying and stupid, mostly) and going to lunch and realizing, "Oh shit, Ryan tried to call me." didn't make it any better. I really miss those days where I could just take it easy at work and just check my emails and twitter every once in a while. lmost hurts, like a hole or something. That sounds really stupid but that's how I feel.

Maybe this is all some kind of weird consequence because I haven't been going to the gym as often as I was before. I've been taking it pretty easy and I've been slacking the past week or so. I went on Monday but before that I hadn't gone in a week. I should've gone tonight but I'm so tired from being out all day yesterday, I almost passed out on the bus on the way home from work. I'm trying really hard to resist falling asleep on my bed right now because I need to finish doing my laundry later. But yeah, not going to the gym and not having that constant flow of endorphins (that natural thing that makes you happy) that you supposedly get from exercising is probably catching up with me. I'm allowed to feel slightly sad right? Even though sometimes, I feel like maybe I don't have anything to complain about. I'm not in school, I don't worry about homework or finals, I have a somewhat good job, amazing friends. It's weird because, yesterday I spent the whole day surrounded by friends and today I can't help but feel incredibly lonely.

Blah. I told you this was going to be a weird post. I'm in such a strange mood, like I said, I feel sad but I don't feel like I should have anything to be sad about. My life is pretty simple and easygoing, other people probably have it worse, what the hell do I have to bitch about? I'm trying to tell myself that I shouldn't be sad but I just can't help it. I'm in one of those moods where you just want to put on sweat pants and that old ratty t-shirt, cuddle with my pillows, put on Say Anything and wish that my Lloyd Dobler was out there waiting for me. In fact, I think that's what I'll do. Maybe that'll make me feel better *crosses fingers*.

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