Monday, August 25, 2008

Post Angry Blog

So yesterday, I blogged. I was mad. I really was. I still am, but not so much to that degree. Yesterday my boss called me at home and told me he wanted to talk to me, so I drove down there and went to talk. We sat outside the store in this coffee shop thing that is in the middle of the mall. He then told me that he likes me as an employee and this is really difficult because he wants me to work with him for a long time and he doesn't want me to not work there anymore. Basically, my sales were really low in comparison to the other girls and he wasn't happy. I don't know what was wrong with me but I completely fell apart. I started crying and I just couldn't stop. I was sitting in the middle of the mall where everyone was walking (not to mention there were maybe three times as many people in the mall because there was some kind of back to school event going on and Dora the Explorer and Diego were there walking around the mall.) I felt like such a kid, and so stupid because its very much something a woman would start doing. So stereotypical, I hate it. But I think that is the way that I am, when a person (more likely if it was a man) who is a superior to me starts to call me out on something and is clearly upset about it, I start to cry. Something inside me breaks down and the tears follow.

Anyways, so he told me that he wasn't firing me, I think he was more or less using me to show the other girls that look, even Kristalyn can get her hours cut for not making enough sales. And apparently that worked because the sales were relatively high that weekend. But it also could've been the fact that everyone that weekend started their back-to-school shopping and there being a Staples in the mall probably helps, since they can go buy school supplies then right after go look for clothes or whatever else they might need. So, I'm still working there, he told me pretty much that I have another chance, but he wants to see the "old" Kristalyn, the one that was always smiling and happy and good at sales. I even explained to him that, you know, not everything was perfect in my life right now, stuff at home and with a boyfriend that is non-existant right in this moment. He sympathized with me a little, but I knew it wasn't really an excuse. I don't want it to be an excuse. I want to be at work so that I don't have to worry about money stuff and boy stuff and family stuff, the money stuff wouldn't be an issue anymore if my job was stable.

As it stands, it is stable, but I feel hurt by what he did to me. Even if it was my fault, he should've just told me to my face, this is the problem, fix it. I don't know if I can fix it. That's why I'm still going to look for another job and if something good comes along, then I'm gonna take it. I already got a phone call this morning from a company that saw my resume on, so I must be something worthwhile then.

BTW I had the lowest sales today at work. It was really quiet in the mall, and when there were people I was really trying. Maybe sales aren't really cut out for me.

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