Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Reprecussions of the Internet.

I think Facebook ruined my life.

Changing my status from "In a Relationship" to nothing resulted in a wave of messages demanding to know what happened.

I knew I wanted to change the whole status thing but I thought that maybe hiding the story from my feed would prevent people from seeing that it changed. Clearly it didn't work because I asked someone to check for me and there it was.

Kristalyn and Patrick have ended their relationship.

For some reason this was a defining moment for me and I knew there was no going back.
I knew that the second that he saw that he would probably freak out, and I was right because the next morning I checked my Facebook and found a very angry personal message from him.

I ignored it and I've decided to not respond to any messages from him unless they are reasonable. It clearly worked because later in the day he sent me another one and in this one he was apologizing for being a jerk. Which always happens. I think the best thing for me now is to just not speak or chat or see him for a good few days or even a week.

As for other people that are friends with me on Facebook...

Now I'm getting messages from people that I haven't really spoken to in a while, one of which didn't even really ask about the break up but asked how I was and that we should hang out again cuz he misses me. I didn't think that, you know, as soon as I became somewhat "available" would people be rushing at me asking to all of a sudden hang out again. People always tend to amaze me.

Of course there are the people that are just truly concerned about me so I guess the internet isn't completely full of fail.

It's weird being single again, even though it's only been two days. It's refreshing to feel not attached to anyone and its something I've been longing for some quite some time, which is sad to admit. Saying it out loud also feels really foreign to me.

For once in my life I'm REALLY single. Since my first boyfriend which was when I was in grade 8, I dated that guy for almost a year then maybe a month or so after I started going out with some other guy for a week, we ended it and then like maybe another month later started dating Patrick. That's right, I've been dating him since I was about 14 or 15 and I'm 20 now. We split up about 2 years later and right after I started dating another guy for a month, he broke up with me and then that's when I was single for the longest time to date. After about 7-8 months we got back together until two days ago.

This time I want to take advantage of being single. This time, I'm not in high school, I'm older and I'm not forced to see the person that I broke up with everyday because of school. I have freedom to drive around where I want, I have my best friend and her boyfriend supporting me and I have my own independence to take care of myself for once in my life. I'm so sick of thinking that I need to rely on other people for help or to make me feel better about myself or just making everything seem so easy. I want to be challenged by life and I want to meet new people and make my 20's something to look back at and not regret anything. I know that if I hadn't made this change in my life, I would look back at this time and think that I was an idiot.

So, here's to starting fresh!

p.s. I promise to stop blogging about this subject. I've been off work for two days and I haven't had much to do. :)

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